Sex & Love

Why your Enneagram type could be the road to finding happiness in relationships

Personality systems such as Enneagram profiling can come across as a bit reductionistic (are there seriously only nine types of people in the world?), but that doesn’t stop it from being helpful when it comes to understanding yourself and your partner
 

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Enneagram profiling involves nine different types of personalities. From what shapes your worldview and motivates you to keep going to what drives you to build defences and frightens you, it is a way to dig deep and be more introspective.

Notice that Type 7s may talk relatively fast as compared to 5s? That observation would help you adjust your speech patterns accordingly, says Cindy Leong, dating and relationship coach at Divine Connect. If you are wondering which personality type you are, please refer to our list below. 

By knowing which type you are, you’ll be more aware of how to relate to others and communicate effectively whether at work or in social situations.

 

1. It’ll prompt you to make the most out of your couple combination

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“A Type 7 might also like a 5 who is cool and composed and logical, which compliments the impulsive 7, or a Type 7 might like a 6 for being more grounded and realistic,” says Cindy. There’s no “best match”.  Every type can be a good match to anyone for a variety of reasons and likewise, everyone would have a different set of conflicts.

 

2. It’ll help you understand what comes naturally to your partner...

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...and what doesn’t. This way, you’ll learn to appreciate gestures betters and be able to manage your expectations - maybe even cut your partner a little slack if necessary, says Cindy. “For example, self-disclosure for Type 2 is easy, whereas hard for Type 5. So if your partner is a 5 and making an effort to open up, you’ll be able to pick up on the little improvement and appreciate the effort made.”

 

3. It’ll guide you towards areas for improvement

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There’s little doubt that relationships enable personal growth. Well, Enneagram takes it up a notch by pinpointing your weaknesses so that you and your partner can identify areas for improvement. That way you can figure out how to meet in the middle and set boundaries in order to move forward and take your relationship to the next level.

 

4. It’ll cushion blows and facilitate problem-solving

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Cindy explains that knowing your Enneagram won’t just help you anticipate when conflict is around the corner and what to do to discuss things openly, but also help you figure out how to create a safe environment for your partner to open up. Even if one of you says something that throws the other off the chair, don’t balk or judge because of different views.

“Instead, be open to receive, listen, and always ask why - what do you like about something and why does he want you to do a certain behaviour,” says Cindy. Don’t be afraid to dig deep. Ask tough questions and never take words at face value.

 

What is your Enneagram personality type?

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1. The Reformer

The Reformer is a rational, idealistic, purposeful perfectionist who lives staunchly by his principles and has immense self-control.

2. The Helper

The Helper is a caring, demonstrative, and generous people-pleaser who builds strong interpersonal relationships but can get a little possessive.

3. The Achiever

The Achiever is success-oriented, pragmatic, adaptive, and driven and excels at almost everything, but is also rather image-conscious.

4. The Individualist

The Individualist is sensitive, withdrawn, expressive, dramatic, and often self-absorbed and temperamental.

5. The Investigator

The Investigator is an intense deep-thinker who is perceptive and innovative but also secretive and isolated.

6. The Loyalist

The Loyalist seeks security. She is committed and engaging, responsible but also easily anxious and suspicious.

7. The Enthusiast

The Enthusiast is a fun-loving, spontaneous, and versatile, individual who loves to be busy, but can also be easily distractible and scattered.

8. The Challenger

The Challenger enjoys power, is dominating, self-confident, and decisive. This born leader can however be willful and confrontational to her detriment.

9. The Peacemaker

Easygoing, self-effacing, receptive, reassuring, agreeable, and complacent

 

Info derived from relationshipstudio.sg

 

 

ALSO READ: WHY YOU SHOULD GO FOR COUPLES THERAPY, EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT MARRIED YET

 

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